


the stars and the nothing

by Rosyredlipstick



Series: AU Solangelo Fic [18]
Category: Percy Jackson and the Olympians & Related Fandoms - All Media Types, The Heroes of Olympus - Rick Riordan, The Trials of Apollo - Rick Riordan
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety, Break Up, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Get Together, M/M, Mentions of Death, Mentions of Sex, poor handling of grief, poor self esteem
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-12
Updated: 2017-03-12
Packaged: 2018-10-03 01:48:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 20,336
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10232975
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rosyredlipstick/pseuds/Rosyredlipstick
Summary: This is not just a Solangelo story. This is a story about love and anger and grief and loss. This is a story about hate and forgiveness, about healing and malice.This is a break up story. This is a sappy love story. This is a horror story filled with demons. This is sadness and hope, an ending and a beginning.And it starts at the end.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I cried twice while writing this so like, good luck.  
> Also this started out as a What’s Your Number fluff piece au AND I DON’T EVEN KNOW WHAT HAPPENED.  
> Check bottom for detailed tags!  
> Thank you to my amazing betas who looked this over when it was as it worst and helped me piece it together - tumblr users makerofaqueen, sage-marie, and laughingatthemortals.

This is not just a Solangelo story. This is a story about love and anger and grief and loss. This is a story about hate and forgiveness, about healing and malice.

This is a break up story. This is a sappy love story. This is a horror story filled with demons. This is sadness and hope.

And it starts at the end.

**October 15th 2015, four years after, eight months before.**

"This is yours." Calloused outstretched hands, hands that Nico had spent the last few years craving and adoring, cradled the worthless fabric as if it were religious garments, as if it were sacred.

The blanket was worn and stained, probably from their numerous couch sleepovers and numerous messy take out dinners. It was their blanket. It was them, woven together in faded colors and stains and patched holes. Did Will sew it back together? Hazel, on one of her many visits?

"That's not mine." Nico rasped out, avoiding Will's eyes.

"Yes it is. It was Piper's gift after we put down our lease."

Nico was hit with it then, the memory of the ribbon wrapped package being pressed into his hands, the dim lighting of the bar hiding how truly perfectly the present was wrapped. Nico had carelessly dropped the ribbon on the ground, and Will picked it up with careful fingers, curling it around his thumb before slipping it into his pocket. They had so much hope. They were going to make each other dinner every night, and watch the news in bed. Nico was going to make Will's favorite, banana pancakes, the next morning, but he didn't. He didn't do a lot of things.

"I don't want it." Nico pushed the last of his books into the box, hazardously and falling open onto each other, and the words blurred in black ink under his watery eyes. "Just throw it away. "  
Even his books, the ink and paper and words he loved, were tainted by Will and his blue highlighter and smeared margin notes. That's another thing, he noted angrily, Nico di Angelo hated when people wrote in his books.

* * *

It started when his sister died. 

She didn’t pass away, or move on to a better place, she fucking died and she’s fucking dead and that’s what started all of this.

He’s so mad at her for dying.

He’s so mad that she got to tap out on life and that she got to move on while Nico had to go on and suffer through every single shitty day.

And all of it started when she died.

**August 12th 2011, today, five years before.**

He refused to go inside.

An hour had gone by, strangers all frowning and grimacing at him with pity in their eyes as they went inside, and Nico was Absolutely Not going inside.

That would…that would make it all real. And Nico was not – Nico _couldn’t –_

Right now, at that very moment, Nico was barely holding on. And going inside that would, that wouldn’t work, that wouldn’t be possible, Nico staying together just couldn’t _happen_ if he went inside.

He sat there, stiff and forced, at the table right outside the building, where the air was chilled and windy but held no dust or horrifying scent.

Half the people here hardly knew her fucking name. Hardly knew her face, definitely didn’t know her voice or her laugh or her _smile –_

Nico took a breath, his eyes fluttering shut. He – he hadn’t cried yet. He could make it, through this demented flaunting of her life – he could make it.

But when his eyes finally opened, he wasn’t alone.

Hades was there, in a pressed silk suit Nico had only seen once before, and –

And _him._  

Nico stood, disgust and anger and _so much sadness_ _he could hardly breathe_ filling up his chest, and Nico could barely do anything but clench his fists and scowl so deeply just to keep the tears from falling free.

Percy in front of him, Hades at his side, Annabeth at his rear. And Nico could hardly breathe.

“Nico, I’m so sorry.” Percy told him, his eyes watering up. Like – like he had a _right_ to be sad. Like this all wasn’t his _fucking fault._

Nico cut this glare towards his father. “How could you let him in? Here?”

Hades put his hand onto Nico’s shoulder, attempting to pull him away. “Nico, please.” He told him, his voice soft as most of the attention fell on them. “Percy was just –“

“Don’t fucking talk to me about Percy!” Nico near screamed, his eyes wild and angry. “You don’t – why would you – _he –“_

“It wasn’t his fault, Nico.” Hades told him, his jaw tight but his eyes worn. “It was an accident, it wasn’t –“

“Fuck you.” He spat, pulling the stupid flower Persephone had insisted on off his jacket. They were her favorite, green roses.

Used to be.

They used to be her favorites.

“I can’t believe you.” Nico muttered, backing up. He was nearly choking with the emotion climbing up his tightening throat. “I can’t – you were supposed to _protect_ her and – “

Nico wasn’t sure who he was even talking to.

“Nico –“ Percy tried again, stepping forward. Annabeth was at his elbow, watching them all with guarded eyes.

“Fuck you.” He only repeated, not as much anger as he would have wanted behind it. It was getting harder, letting the flame of anger surpass the sadness that filled and drowned his entire core. He wondered which would last longer.

Nico sneered at his father, too mean and not enough in the same second. He glared at Percy, not holding back the fire that burned in his eyes, heart, and mind, and – and he couldn’t do it. He couldn’t do it – stand here and cry as people – _strangers –_ watched him and asked him questions they didn’t care about the answers too. For them – all those people crowding around her body and looking at her picture – this would be over for them tomorrow. They would go back to their boring fucking lives and boring fucking jobs and they wouldn’t ever cry or think about her again and -

He couldn’t do it.

Because for him, it would _never_ be over. Since the moment she stopped breathing, Nico’s life had been destined to be a funeral, destined to mourn her for the rest of his life.

He left without even glancing at his sister’s corpse, already rotting away in that overpriced box Hades had picked out. She was dead and cold after all. She wouldn't mind much if Nico left.

Nico loosened his tie, some horribly silky, even more horribly expensive thing that she had insisted on splurging on for his eighteenth birthday, and threw it to the rain soaked concrete. He walked from it, the act seeming final and sure, everything that his life lacked at the moment.

(Percy would later find it, knowing and unknowing at the same time. He would wring the rain out of it, pick off the small pieces of gravel that clung to it, and he would return it one day. Not any time soon, but one day.)

Nico’s heart was as broken as no boyfriend could ever achieve. He was heartbroken, he was truly torn apart, and soon his sister would be lowered into the cool, loose earth, leaving him behind for good.

He set his jaw, gripped his fake ID, dunked into the nearest cheap bar, and lowered himself onto a stool.

The bubble in his chest was a deadly blend of sadness – mostly – and anger – slightly, and this was a combination that would rule him until they’d eventually switch places and burn inside him like a wildfire.

He…he really needed a drink.

* * *

_\- gap in his teeth and freckles splashed across his nose, "It's nice to meet you."  He smiled, and it was too nice for such a dingy place. This was the place of cheating ex-boyfriends, the drunken heartbroken, and unloved._

_Nico took a swing of his bottle, the taste of the cheap bitter beer revolting to his taste._

Blondie _didn’t know where he belonged, and Nico wasn’t going to inform him._  
 _“Nico.” He told him shortly, already feeling a pleasant buzz from the unpleasant drink._  
 _Blondie smiled, “Will Solace.” And his name meant fucking sunshine, because of course it did, and this was a too kind boy who said all his syllables and looked at Nico through his eyelashes –_

* * *

**September 22nd 2015, four years after, nine months before**

“I thought we had a thing about drinking alone.” Will gave him a weak, exhausted smile. His eyes were tired, and there was a winkle forming in-between the worry line on his brow line. He was looking older these days. But so was Nico.

Nico sighed, already wanting to reach for the thin, mostly empty, bottle in his jacket. He rolled his eyes, his voice a bit dismissive. “It’s fine, Will. I was just tired, needed something to help comfort me to sleep.”

“I was here.” Will told him, helping him strip his shirt. It, Nico was just noticing, still disgustingly had the faded trail of vomit across the front. He would probably make Nico shower before getting into their bed. Fuck. His voice was vaguely hurt, but not so much that Nico paid it any of the attention it needed.

Nico rolled his eyes, stepping back. “That’s not that I meant.” His voice was mean, meaner then he meant, but he was tired, and Will probably wouldn’t care anyways. “You’re – you’re always making yourself the victim.”

Will shook his head, “I’m not doing anything, Nico.” He told him, his voice soft. “Go take a shower. Cool off.” Will looked away, “I don’t like you when you’re drunk.”

“You used to.” Nico told him bitterly, not even resisting a too-large sip from the bitter alcohol this time. Nico wiped the back of his mouth, hardly registering the burn. Nico didn’t sway – he was too experienced at this point, to stumble back home – but when he spoke, his voice was edging on a slur. “You don’t like me when I’m drunk, huh?” Nico gave him a bitter smile, not even noticing how hurt Will’s open face was. “Guess you don’t like me nowadays.”

Will’s eyes were heavy and sad as they settled over him, and _shit_ , that had Nico taking another long drink. “Go shower, Nico.”

Nico had always expected this…. _them_ to end with a crash, more suddenly then how they started. He didn’t know it was going to be like this, like tearing skin away from muscle. So slowly and agonizing, just wanting to get it over with but too cowardly to rip it away.

He didn’t know it was going to hurt this much. 

He didn’t know it was going to hurt so much when Will turned over instead of facing him, or when he saw the disappointed, sad look in Will’s eyes, or when Will stopped calling to let him know he was taking a late shift.

When Nico was sad when he was young he used to rip up all the flowers in Persephone’s garden and tear and shred them all apart until the petals were nothing but wrinkled, ugly faded color.

He used to do that when he was little, and now he was doing the exact same thing with Will.

**October 14 2012, one year after, four years before**

Blondie liked to take his time.

Blondie’s hand circled around his wrists, not in the dominate, bruising clench that he was so used too, but with a gentle weight, holding down Nico’s arms just slightly. He kissed down Nico's navel slowly, pressing Nico’s hands into the bed, while Nico dipped his own hips into the sheets, desperate for any kind of friction.

His mouth ran down Nico’s chest, warmth and kissing heat into his skin.

Nico lost himself in the heat and sweat and the faint buzz from the few beers he had swallowed down. It was easy to do that, lose himself. He was used to that, focusing only on the pleasure and heat and slickness of sex and orgasms. He was used to it.

What he wasn’t used to was the fluttering of his eyes after his intense orgasm. He always – he left didn’t he? He was suppose to, it was what he did.

Nico stifled a yawn as Blondie settled his head on Nico’s chest, curling around Nico easily.

He’d leave in a minute, he decided, his eyes closing. After a few minutes of napping, he was out of here.

* * *

Nico woke up in an unfamiliar bed.

Correction – he added on he blinked himself awake – he woke up in an unfamiliar _apartment._

To be honest, the being in unfamiliar beds part wasn’t _that_ uncommon for Nico, he was kind of used to it that this point, it was the _waking up._

Because Nico…Nico couldn’t remember the last time he’d stayed over at anyone’s house, much less a _one night stand’s._

It was time to leave, he decided, hopefully before what-ever-the-fuck-his-name-was came back. The awkward ‘you can leave now’ exchange was terrible for both parties, Nico had learned, and he was never in a hurry to repeat it.

Nico was still bare ass naked though. So. That took priority.

He dressed quickly, most than surprised to find his formally muddy jeans and wrinkled shirt folded nicely on the comforter, evidently run through the wash from the nice cotton smell. He shook his head, vaguely remembering the shy smile from Blondie the night before, and wow did that coy smile explain a lot about his personality.

His keys, phone, and wallet were on the bedside table, where Nico _definitely_ did not place them there the night before. After stumbling home, Nico could barely be counted to make it to his bed before passing out, much emptying his pockets.

…And his phone had a full battery, something he absolutely did not do. Even at home within an arm reach of his charger, Nico’s phone was more than often on the brink of death.

Nico pocketed all this, taking a chance with the nearest door. It led to a surprisingly comfortable looking living room, filled with more comfort than flash.

Nico drifted around the corner, keeping his steps quiet and quick. There was music playing from the direction of the kitchen, and the salty and popping smell and sound of frying eggs. His eyes flickered towards the front door, a bit past the kitchen, and wondered his chances of making it unseen.

Then Blondie – shirtless, despite cooking – turned to look straight at him, an amused smile on his lips.

He was…cute, Nico was realizing. He has a face suited to the daylight, with tan, freckled skin glowing as the sunlight drifted in from the large window, his golden curls an absolute mess.

Sunshine looked good on him.

Blondie smiled and, fuck, Nico couldn’t remember his name, “C’mon sweet cheeks, take a seat. I'm making breakfast.”

Nico lingered there, just for a moment, his fight or flight instinct unprepared for the way Blondie’s hair was curling from the steam and how good he looked shirtless in the sunlight. He should…go, right? That’s what usually happened, that’s what Nico always _did,_ leave before he was told to, so why would this be any different?

It wasn’t until he was sitting at the counter, Blondie scooping scrambled eggs onto Nico’s plate, that he realized how screwed up this was.

“I don't do this.” Nico muttered, mostly to himself, but looked up at Blondie’s snort.

“One night stands or staying after?” He questioned, sitting himself across from Nico. He only had a too-large mug of coffee, and some fruit with toast. He seemed perfectly content to watch Nico inhale his own food, and looked pleased when Nico ventured in for a first bite.

Hell, if he was gonna be drugged, he sure as hell was going down with a full stomach.

“The latter.” Nico answered shortly, carefully hiding his surprise at the taste of the eggs. Creamer than he’d expected, with a spicy kick.

“Mhmm.” Blondie hummed, his eyes dropping down to Nico’s exposed chest. “It seems we’re quite the pair. I guess now would be the moment to admit I’ve never much ventured into strange partners.”

Nico almost raised an eyebrow, a bit surprised. “Rebound?” He asked, taking a sip of the juice Will put in front of him.

Will shrugged, “Bored and horny, mostly. I’m too busy with work for anything else it seems.”

This was getting dangerously let’s-share-personal-information-for-fun, and that had Nico putting down his fork and standing. That was shame – the eggs were pretty good, and Nico hadn’t had a good meal in a few weeks. “I should be going actually.”

Will’s eyes dipped back to him, taking his time with a long drink of his still steaming coffee. He seemed to consider Nico for a long moment, Nico feeling strangely vulnerable at his heavy gaze, before Will set down his mug, a wicked smile gracing his light features.

“So does that mean you’re not _up_ for a round two?” His eyes suggestively ducked towards Nico's lower body, “Or was it round three?”

Nico’s mouth dried up a bit, arousal springing up easy at his proposal. His eyes darkened with challenge, and stripped his shirt in a single easy movement. “Get in bed.”

One night stands were hardly interesting, but this one was proving itself to be at least notable.

 _Especially_ if Blondie kept touching him like that.

* * *

“So, um, your name?” Nico finally got around to asking, pulling on his pants for the second time that day. Blondie almost looked disappointed at that action, his eyes flickering up to Nico’s chest before answering.

Not that Nico really cared about his name, but it felt awkward having to stop himself from gasping out _Blondie_ as he went down on Nico.

Surprisingly, the guy smirked, “Wow. I knew a good fuck could render a person speechless but really, brainless?” He laughed, not paying attention to how Nico easily tensed up over the light teasing. “It’s Will, darlin’. Will Solace.” His eyes were amused, “And you’re Nico di Angelo. See? I’m good at remembering things.”

Flirting came easy to Nico. Sex, at least, he knew. “That just means you haven’t been fucked hard enough.” Nico told him, his eyes darkening with Will’s reddening skin.

Will turned over, the blankets pooling at his lower waist, exposing everything. “And whose fault is that?”

Will sat up, stretching his arms around him like a fucking Disney princess. “C’mon.” He arched his back, his bones popping loudly before he stood. “After all that physical activity and an abandoned breakfast, we deserve a hearty lunch.” His eyes flickered down to Nico’s chest as he pulled on his shirt once again. “And you sir, are looking extraordinarily iron-deficient, so I’m totally using that as an excuse to make burgers.”

Nico, had he been himself, probably would have insulted Will in exchange for that iron-deficient remark, but hell, Nico was already doing everything wrong today.

“Burgers are…good.” He allowed the other boy, following him into the kitchen.

This action absolutely had nothing to do with the other boy, he told himself, but absolutely with his already growling stomach.

Nico paused, reaching for his stuff to fill back his pockets. That always made for an easier escape, actually having all his things.

 It was inevitable, he supposed, that Will would sooner or later kick him out, or Will himself would leave. He should leave first. That was his rule – he always left first.

“Comin’ darlin’?” Will called from the kitchen, his southern drawl hitching up and expanding his words. Nico wondered if he always had that accent, or if, like Nico’s, it only came out in the mornings, or after sex.

Nico was surprised to realized that he kind of wanted to find out.

“Coming.” He yelled back, leaving his wallet on the table.

**November 27th 2012, one year after, four years before.**

Nico had never known a cup of coffee could be so fucking awkward.

But hell, here they were, staring at each other, both holding onto their cups like there was more to them then just hot liquid.

Hazel cleared her throat, tucking a curl behind her ear. Nico wasn’t going to be the first to talk, that was obvious, and it seemed she finally found the nerve to talk.

“Dad says –“

“We call him Hades.” He corrected her, taking a sip of his black coffee. It was just how he liked it – a full black roast with a truly horrible amount of sugar poured in. It was Will’s fault, of course. Nico had been perfectly content his entire life with a cup of bitter sludge, but Will insistent on adding an unnecessary amount of sugar to _everything_ was beginning to – begrudgingly – grow on him.

She bit her lip. “Um, okay. Uh, Hades said you have a boyfriend?”

He briefly wondered how Hades he knew about that. It wasn’t like they had girl talks every weekend or some shit. Usually a few tense words were exchanged, usually a few curses, but none of that would translate into actual conversation.

“Got a problem with that?” He turned his mind back to the girl in front of him, raising his eyebrows. He had a pretty good read on people, and was pretty sure she was asking to be kind instead of rude, but hell, if she scared off that easy she had no business hanging around him.

She blinked in surprise. “No! No, absolutely not! I just thought, maybe we could talk about that? I, um, I would really like to get to know you, Nico.”

Nico considered that, taking another long drink of his coffee. She seemed extremely earnest, something he wasn’t really used to.

“We’re not dating.” He told her shortly, “We’re fucking. Not dating.”

She blinked in surprise a few times before nodding. “Oh. Um, okay, yeah. What’s his name?”

He waited a second. If this were anyone else – someone who didn’t have insanely wide, open eyes staring at him in expectation – he would have told them to fuck off already.

“His name’s Will.” He finally replied, watching her carefully as she lit up with the bit of information.

She was smiling, “Will? That’s nice. What’s he like? What does he do?”

“He’s a student. He’s fine.” Nico shrugged, “We don’t really talk a lot.”

She colored a bit, probably remembering the correction Nico had thrown on her. “Oh, yeah. But, um, you’re _seeing_ him?”

“In a sense.” He allowed her.

She nodded at that, smiling now. “I’m dating someone too, um, his name’s Frank. It’s new, but nice.”

Nico nodded, taking in the information but not commenting on it. She was picking at the cardboard on her cup, clearly nervous, and bit her lip.

He took a strange moment of pity for her. “You’re from Louisiana?”

It was hardly anything, in terms of conversation, but she seemed to light up at the branch of information. “Yes! I am.” She smiled, glancing out the light snow that had been drowning the cit the past few days. “It’s a lot warmer, that’s for sure. I’m not used to seeing this much snow, I’m gonna have to adjust my whole wardrobe.”

Nico was quiet, but nodded his way through conversation with the over-eager girl, occasionally prompting vague conversation when she’d trail off, looking unsure with the current topic.

It was after maybe an hour, long after their coffee was drained and their cups went dry, when Hazel finally ran out of words, and Nico ran out of prompts.

Nico stood, a silence indicator of an ending, and threw out his cup before they were facing each other, both bundled up in their winter gear – Hazel, a bright colored peacoat, Nico his worn heavy leather jacket.

They stood, facing each other, both unsure what to say. Should Nico…shake her hand? Wave her off, offer her a ride back to wherever the fuck she lived?

Hazel made the decision for him, stepping forward quickly before Nico could wince back. She threw her arms over him quickly, pulling away after only a second. “Thank you for meeting with me.” She told him, her eyes wide and honest. “I’d really like to get to know you better, Nico.”

Nico’s eyes flickered away for a half-second, and for a moment, a quick fleeting moment, he was the picture of hesitation.

“You too.” He carefully said, his stone demeanor back just as quick as it was disappeared. She smiled, a soft action that was clearly familiar to her face.

“What are you doing after this?” She asked, wanting the conversation to last just a bit longer.

Nico’s eyes flickered towards the clock on the wall. “Heading over to Will’s.” He finally broke his emotionless face, cracking a smirk in her direction. “We’ve got plans to, uh, _hang out.”_

She colored and, surprisingly, giggled, her hand coming up to lightly slap at his shoulder. “Well, have fun.” She told him with a wink, throwing out her drained latte cup, waving at him. “We’ll see if he sticks around, huh?”

Nico shrugged, uncommitted. “We’ll see.”

**October 13th 2014, three years after, two years before.**

The spaghetti was cold

The spaghetti was wet and clumpy and probably overcooked and it was _cold_.

Will stood in the doorway, his satchel dangling by his knee, and his nails dug into the soft leather. The sound of his breathing was soft, but noticeable. Nico didn't look up from the low burning candle, some vanilla atrocity that Hazel had left, and kept his gaze glued to the overcooked, slimy mess.

"Happy October 13th."

Will swallowed, "Nico - "

Nico interrupted him, "Happy October 13th. It's just another day, am I right?" Nico gave him a tight lipped smile, an angry thing that didn't show enough sadness but showed enough teeth.

"I got held up -

Nico sighed and took a moment to blow out the flame, the moment as significant as blowing out a prayer candle. "Nevermind. It's stupid."

Will swallowed, his eyes flashing hurt, and he finally dropped that stupid satchel to the ground, "It's our anniversary."

"I know. Stupid." Nico voice was hard and mean, and he was angry - so fucking angry - for being caught so vulnerable and so open. He felt like he was waiting for Will to pick up one of his scalpels and cut him open, exposing every secret he had buried inside of him, every lie he never wanted to repeat. His mean heart, his hungry vengeance, and thirst for revenge, all his uglies ready for Will to frown and poke at, disgust twisting apart on his features.

“Nico, I’m sorry.” Will’s voice cracked and Nico’s heart twisted in his chest.

 _You hurt him_. His mind yelled at him, _How could you hurt Will?_

 _He hurt_ me he argued, _Will isn’t perfect. Far fucking from it._

 _He’s perfect for you._ And Nico couldn’t argue with that.

“Nico.” Will was next to him, which wasn’t right, not at all, because Will was suppose to be across the room with tears in his eyes, not here clenching onto Nico's limp hand. “Nico, where are you?”

Nico snatched his hand back, “I’m here.” Because even though Nico was furious, so fucking mad at him, he couldn’t lie about that, and he couldn’t resist Will’s too big eyes.  
Nico stood, pushing away from the table, and dumped the entire plate into the trash, not caring about the tell-tale glass crack followed. He swallowed the rest of his wine in a quick gulp, dumping the empty wine glass in the sink.

Because it wasn’t supposed to be this way. He wasn’t suppose to remember the warm mouth he picked up that night, let alone end up spending the night.  
But when they were like this – slow fucking into the mattress – he could almost believe that they’d make it. Through the sweaty clenching and hitching breath – he could believe they’d last. But then they’d finish, and Will would roll off him, curling in on himself and not at all around Nico.

There was no single moment or event that started the shifting apart. There were factors, small building blocks that finally amounted to the Big Moment that tore them apart. The Big Moment hadn’t really been a moment at all, but a collection of moments that forced the outcome.

Will took more shifts at the clinic, the looming threat of unpaid student loans haunting him with every letter of mail.

Nico lived off his trust fund that Will refused help from and smoked his way through double packs a day, and his grip on a bottle wasn’t as rare as it used to be.

Their shared dialogue was full of misunderstanding and anger, and the angry sex afterwards did nothing to relieve either of them.

**August 4th 2013, two years after, three years before**

"I hate when you smoke."

Nico took a quick drag before turning to squint at Will through the glass. "Really? I had no idea. I especially had no idea when you exiled me to the balcony for my cigarettes. The idea of you hating cigarette smoke? Never crossed my mind."

Nico could hear Will sigh through the little crack in the window, "I hate when _you_ smoke. I could care less about the smoke."

"You've already said that." Half-annoyed, half-exhilarated with the attention, Nico took another deep breath, wanting to be done with the smoke already.

Nico was only half surprised to hear the balcony door slamming open and hitting the gate, and he clenched on to the cigarette knowing that Will was about to pluck it from his hands. Instead, he only heard the soft rustle of paper and then - even more surprisingly – the tell tale sharp click of his lighter. He whirled around, his cigarette now loose in the wind and burning a bright red.

Will stood there, coughing and holding a cigarette to his mouth. "This is disgusting." He coughed out, "And it burns like a motherfucker. Why in the world is this appealing?"

Panic sprouted in Nico's chest, "What the hell are you doing?" Nico slapped the smoke out of his hand, almost burning himself in the process.

“If you’re a smoker, I’m a smoker.” Will plucked Nico’s cigarette and took a long drag, disgust covered his features. He grimaced but anger burned in his eyes, “It’s like _The Notebook_ but lung cancer.”

Nico bit the side of his cheek. “You’re ridiculous.” He sneered, smudging out the lit end of his cigarette.

Will grinned at him despite his anger. He was still a little red faced from his coughing fit, and Nico wasn’t supposed to find that cute. “C’mon babe. I’ll order pizza if you clean the kitchen.”

Nico sighed, rolling his eyes. “ _You’re_ the one who made the mess.” He pointed out under his breath, but dunked through the open door.

“For _you!”_ Will only shouted back, laughter in his voice, and yeah, that was _true_ and Nico was never one for passing on Will’s cooking.

He rolled his eyes, completely affectionate, and reached for the cleaning wipes.

 **November 22nd 2012,** **one year after, four years before.**

Holidays have always sucked.

Nico usually managed to squeeze out of them – plans already in plans, or last minute emergencies, or just simply not showing up.

But Hades had _insisted._

 _Insisted_ as in if-you-don’t-show-up-I’m-cutting-off-your-bank-account _insisted._

And as much as Nico desperately didn’t want to face the older man, he didn’t want to face an uncertain, penniless future even more.

So he showed up. In the rattiest, sloppiest clothes he could find, but he showed up.

Hades didn’t even seem to notice his dirty attire, which honestly annoyed Nico to his core. He lifted an eyebrow, gesturing towards the pallor, and followed Nico’s with crisp steps, wearing an even crisper, sharper suit.

Persephone was already in there, and that was the extent of whom Nico was expecting to suffer through this holiday with. Hopefully, by putting in a Thanksgiving appearance, he would be able to ditch Christmas without much fuss. It was good to remind them how much of an asshole Nico was anyways, it kept them from insisting on his presence too much.

But, what he wasn’t expecting was the addition of a short, curly haired beaming girl.

She wasn’t familiar in the least, maybe a distant cousin on Persephone’s side who was unknowingly dragged into what Nico was hoping to be the worst Thanksgiving in history.

She grinned at the sight of him, something he was really, really not used to. Poor girl. She had no idea what was coming.

Nico hunched in on himself, pulling his jacket around himself a bit tighter. “Who’s this?” He eyed, speaking to his father. He didn’t bother keeping his voice down. If being rude to random-girl got him out of Christmas, he was willing to sacrifice it.  

Hades cleared his throat, coming up to stand beside the girl. He stood close to her, draping an arm over her shoulders with a familiar air. “This is Hazel.” He said, as if that statement meant something. He paused, clearing planning on continuing introducing her, but taking her time. Nico wanted to roll his eyes at his father’s dramatics. He opened his mouth, already ready to start cutting both of them down, when his father finished speaking.

“She is your half-sister.”

The air and bite in his voice immediately rushed out, leaving him gaping in surprise for a long second. His usual scowl and glare was wiped for a minute as he fought for composure.

Quickly, he regained himself, and was back in place like he’d never left.

Nico cut his gaze back to his father, sharp as a blade, surprise and shock and quickly growing anger filling his eyes.“You have another _daughter?”_

Hades nodded, looking stiff. “I just found Hazel about a month ago. It took some arranging, but I wanted you and Persephone to be the first to meet her.”

The girl – _his daughter –_ was staring at Nico with wide eyes, her hands tangling together. Her previous moments of happiness were traded for a nervous energy Nico absolutely related to.

Nico stared at both of them in shock for a long moment. “It’s only been a year.” He told them, numbly as if a realization, before his face crumbled down into a sneer. “What, you lost one kid and now it’s time to replace her? Do you really think you can do that?  That’s fucked up, even for you Hades.”

“She’s not a replacement for your sister, Nico.” His gaze and voice was soft. “No one can replace B-“

“Don’t say her name!” Nico snapped, anger like a whip slapping both of them.

Hades’ face hardened. “You didn’t just lose a sister, Nico. I lost a daughter.” Hades said this like it made all the difference.

“Then fucking _act_ like it and don’t just replace her at the first opportunity.” Nico stalked towards the door, slamming it against the wall and storming out.

Fuck him.

Fuck him for thinking it was that easy, fuck him for shoving this poor girl into such a fucked family she wouldn’t know what hit her.

Fuck him for forcing Nico to show up at this and fucking pretending like everything was going to be their fucked-up version of normal.

And fuck him –

“Nico!”

He kept walking, his steps quickening at the sound of the unfamiliar voice calling his name. It could only be one person, could only be the girl that Hades was determined to use as a replacement.

“Nico!”

She called again, closer this time. She must have ran, he realized, to get that close, to catch up to him with his head start.

He abruptly stopped in place and spun towards her, clearing shocking her from how her eyes went wide at the action, as she stumbled back so she wouldn’t run straight into him.

She heaved for breath, staring at him. He stared at her, expectant, and said nothing. It wasn’t her fault Hades was such a fuck-up, and if she had something she needed to say so desperately, he was willing to roll his eyes in response to it.

“Nico, I –“ The girl licked her lips, looking so incredibly hesitant. “I’m not trying to replace her. I promise, I wouldn’t –“ She took a breath, looking unsteady. “I don’t have any family left. My mom’s dead, I don’t, I don’t have anyone. Please, I just, I just want to get to know you. That’s all I want.” She trained her eyes on the ground, “I don’t have a family. Please, I just – I’m just trying to find one here. And I’d really, really like if you were a part of it.”

Nico stared at her, unprepared for the vulnerable note in her voice, and how her words were wobbling and raspy. The fire in his chest – so nearly constant these days – sizzled down as she dragged her wrist against her eyes, keeping her head dipped down.

“I’m not staying.” He told her, his eyes flickering around quickly. His voice was a bit harder than he intended, and he lowered it a bit.“I – I can’t. Just –“ He reached into his pocket, pulling out a crumbled recipe and pen. He scrawled the information down quickly, not meeting her wide dark eyes. “Text me sometime. We can, we can meet, okay? Just – not today. I’ve got to go.”

“Thank you.” She told him softly, holding the paper so carefully her hands were barely touching it.

“My sister would have killed me for being so rude.” He told her a bit numbly, hardly tasting or considering the words as they tumbled out. He left her standing there, clenching the paper, and he fled completely.

Hades never did end up committing to his threat.

The next day, if Will noticed that Nico was fucking a bit harder, and scratching a bit deeper, he surely didn’t voice it. Or seem to mind.

**March 7th 2014, three years after, two years before**

Will opened the door and leaned against it, his expression fond. “A delivery boy. How unexpected. I haven’t even ordered anything, I don’t think I have any money.”

Nico huffed out a laugh, cracking a smile. “The delivery boy and the penniless customer – I think I’ve seen that video.”

Will was grinning along, “It’s a shame I’m taken – you’re cute for a delivery boy.”

Nico hummed, “I’m sure your boyfriend won’t mind.”

Will was leaning forward now, peering down into the brown paper bag. “What is the boy even delivering? I feel I should know before the payment process begins.”

Nico held up the take out bag in lieu of explanation. “Chicken low mien, no green peppers with an egg role and fried rice.”

“I love that you know my order.” Will grinned, leaning in for a peck. He finally let Nico through, opening the door a bit more so Nico could dunk in. “Get it set up and I’ll be there in just a moment.”

“Do you want anything to drink?” Will stuck his head out from the kitchen. “Juice? Beer?”

“Got anything stronger?” Nico focused on dumping the noodles onto the plates, not really catching how Will paused at that.

“Uh, I’ve got some leftover rum that Lou left here from that party last weekend?” He asked, his hand already half-paused towards the beer.

“That’s great, thanks. With soda, if you have any.”

Will nodded, slowly moving on and grabbing his own beer. “Yeah, that’s, that’s fine.”

Nico downed the drink quickly, giving Will a loose grin. “That’s better.” He stood to grab a refill – as well as a stack of napkins from the look of how Will was already getting soy sauce everywhere – when his phone beeped out.

His phone buzzed with second text – Reyna’s little icon popping up on the screen for a second. He started at the picture of her – showing a rare grin at the camera, taken much too long ago on some beach trip – and without considering it much, flipped his phone and ignored the message. He’d get back to her later. She’d just be too-involved in his life, wanting to known and judge every detail of it. He’d get back to her later.

**December 17th 2014, three years after, two years before**

This was all Will’s fault.

A lot of things seemed to be Will’s fault at this point but this – standing here, in a stiff button-up Nico had never worn –was absolutely, completely his fault.

It had started with Will’s quiet observation that he had never met Nico’s family, an observation that had become louder and louder with wonder as Will realized he hadn’t met Nico’s friends either, and hardly knew anything about them other than a handful of facts and names.

It probably would have blown over, Nico would have scowled for a few days, would have smoothed over Will’s mind with a few random facts, mentioned his distance from his family, and it would have been fine. It would have blown over.

Then, the unfortunate arrival of a cream and gold colored invitation, one that Nico would have regularly trashed immediately, ruined everything.

Because Will had opened the invitation – because it _was_ addressed to them both in familiar curvy handwriting – and grinned with the strong insistence that they go.

Go…to Hazel’s birthday party, where his family and their friends would inevitably be gathered to laugh and celebrate and reminisce.

And Will couldn’t even begin to understand why that was such a problem.

So, after working it out with an ecstatic Hazel, a few rules were put in place, banning certain conversational topics, as well as clear instructions so he and Will would completely miss meeting the worst of Hazel’s friends, along with the worst of their family.

Because as much as Will would attempt to annoy him into agreeing, Will was _not_ meeting Hades. No way.

But, these rules and bans and instruction didn’t pull anything away from the current situation: that this was absolutely Will’s fault.

He was standing along one of the walls, eyeing the party guests with annoyance as they laughed and joked and generally avoided him and his dark corner. At least Hazel hadn’t skimped out on the alcohol.

“Nico.”

He automatically tensed, and that was new to him, such an automatic response to a voice that used to be so familiar and welcomed.

Nico turned slowly, holding his cup close to his chest. He cleared his voice, the air weirdly stiff and awkward in a way it never was between them. When he spoke, his voice was a forced casual, and they both saw through it.

“Hey Reyna, what’s up?”

Reyna’s mouth was smoothed out into a harsh, straight line. She looked nice, despite that, with her hair pulled to the side in an elegant braid, dressed in a nice dark colored sweater. Nico briefly wondered if he was underdressed, but couldn’t find it in himself to care. Hazel wouldn’t give a shit, and it was her birthday party.

Reyna took a long moment to respond, choosing instead to frown down at him, and the anxiety in his chest only grew.

“You have not been replying to my texts. And I’ve heard from Jason you’re doing the same to him.” She finally spoke, her voice caring a strange heaviness to it. Nico clenched at the thin plastic cup a bit tighter, the air around him growing a bit hotter.

“Have I?” Nico’s voice was thin, and he knew she would automatically see the falseness in his words. “I didn’t realize.”

Reyna was still staring at him, her gaze intense and heavy. He had seen the look many times, but never at him. He stuffed one of his hands in his pocket, ignoring the shakiness of it.

Nico shrugged after a moment, avoiding her eyes. “It’s not a big deal. I’ve been busy.”

Reyna watched him for a long, tense moment. “It is to me.” She finally said, her voice strong as she turned away from him, her braid whipping out over her shoulder as she did so.

Nico watched her leave, weaving through the crowd with ease that she’d had seemingly forever.

She reminded him a lot of his sister. And yeah – yeah, maybe he really fucking needed that in the past but right now, where he was, he couldn’t deal with that, couldn’t deal with her frankness and bossiness – couldn’t deal with any of them in fact, all of them that knew him, and knew her, and knew that both, together, as a pair.

He couldn’t deal with them anymore.

And that thought alone had him drowning the rest of his cup and reaching for another in the same breath.

Happy Fucking Birthday, Hazel.

* * *

It was after his fifth or sixth drink when he started to finally feel a pleasant buzz.

And that, that was a _shame_ – his tolerance used to be so low, he used to get dizzy after a few sips. It used to be easier to forget, and it’s a shame that that, over time, got harder.

Will was off somewhere – probably chatting up the entirely of Nico’s extended family, most of which Nico had never met, or at least didn’t remember.

No one else tried to approach, Nico doing his best to set off the best “ _Don’t fucking talk to me”_ vibe he could. He managed to perfect it when he was young, and it came back to him like a worn glove.

His buzz was still a pleasant one, and had Hades not shown up, it might have stayed that way.

Will had found him after an hour or so, laughing about something Nico’s second-twice-removed aunt or cousin or whatever the fuck had said.

Hazel had swept by, nearly glowing at the sight of him, Frank a watchful presence at her back. She was gushing about something – some sort of art gift Frank had given her – when she suddenly stopped mid-word, going wide-eyed at something over Nico’s shoulder.

Nico turned, already half-expecting the sight, and was met with father’s heavy stare.

The second he was at the door, it seemed to be his life mission to beeline to where Will and Nico were cornered, Hazel and Frank nearby and hesitant.

Hades, Persephone trailing along in his wake, stopped a few feet away from them all, and the other guests seemed to notice the significance of their appearance, quieting down with dramatic effect. Nico resisted the urge to flip them all off. Will, probably, wouldn’t approve.

Hades was already frowning at him, his eyes trailing over Nico’s loose, uncaring frame with a careful eye.

When he spoke, his voice was completely clear of any emotion. “You weren’t at Thanksgiving.”

“I went to Will’s.” Nico told him, rolling his eyes. “Sorry for actually having a life.”

Hades stared at him with emotionless eyes, his eyes flicking over to where Will was inevitably fidgeting. They had never met each other, Nico was briefly noticing and dismissing, but they had each heard enough about the other.

“We visited her for the holidays.” Hades told him easily, as if the simple declaration was just that. “I left your several voicemails. I assume you knew, we were all expecting you.”

Nico only shook his head, grabbing his jacket from where it was draped over the chair. Always in easy reach, he learned, was the best option.

“We’re leaving.” Nico told Will, his voice sudden and hard. Will, giving him a confused look, scrambled up from his chair, his jacket already around his shoulders.

“You still haven’t visited her grave.” Hades’ voice was flat, a fact, as he declared this, loud enough for most of the guests to pause in their actions, their eyes flickering over the scene playing out in front of them. “She was your sister and you can’t even visit her.”

He was so pissed at that moment – pissed at Hazel for not warning him, pissed at Will for insisting on coming, pissed at his father for bringing her up and for making a fucking scene. Where his pleasant buzz loosened his limbs and flushed his cheeks, tight tension filled his muscles and flamed his skin.

“It’s a fucking rock.” He spat out, so incredibly aware of how still Will had gone at his back.“Who cares? She’s fucking _dead.”_

He turned on Hazel, her eyes wide and sorry. “You said we weren’t going to talk about her.” He accused, his voice angry.

Hazel’s reached out, her eyes watery. “Nico, I-“

 _“Shut up._ You’re – you’re not my real sister, so please _stop fucking trying._ ” He snapped, turning out of the party.

He heard Will calling after him as he fled outside, and the stiff winter air was harsh and relief against his hot, reddened skin. He barely made it to the street before his hands were shaking and desperate against the inner pocket of his coat.

Will was heaving for breath when he finally stumbled across the other boy, and Nico was struggling to unscrew the top of a thin silver flask. He had already thrown himself on the curb, folded together in a tight position around the bottle, half-hidden behind a thick patch of bushes.

Will was breathing hard as he came up behind him, his face a mixture of surprise and confusion. “I – I just talked to Hazel and – _Nico_ \- Your _sister_ died? What the _fuck,_ Nico?”

“You don’t have a right to be upset about this.” Nico told him, his voice angry and even, his hands still wrapped around the cap, pulling.

Will looked shocked, throwing a hand to cover his chest as if Nico had physically hit him. “I don’t have a _right?”_

“Yup.” Nico finally managed to get some pull on the bottle, and unscrewed it quickly. He had no need for the long gone pleasant buzz, it was the numbness, the fuzziness - the forgetting – that was a damn near need at this point. Everything was too bright, too consuming, too fucking _real –_ and Nico couldn’t stand another fucking moment of it.

Will was still standing there, still watching him. “You’re drinking again?” He stated, his voice even.

Nico sneered but didn’t bother to direct it towards the other boy. “I think I deserve something after the hell that was tonight. I told you we shouldn’t have fucking come. And why the hell do you care? It’s not like it’s hurting anyone.”

There was a thick moment of silence, so long that Nico was half-tempted to turn and see if Will had simply gotten fed up enough and walked out, until there was a small, soft whisper.

“What are you saying?” Nico demanded, turning. He took another long drink, the urge to gag long gone from the revolting taste.

Will stared at him for another moment, stared at him and the cold metal cradled in his hands, “You fucker.” He stared, his voice loud but still so, so full of emotion.“It’s hurting me, you asshole!” His went watery, and he glanced away. “Listen, I know you don’t give a flying fuck about yourself enough to see how much you’re _killing_ yourself, but you’re hurting _me_ to!”

Nico stared at him – glared at him? maybe – and said nothing. Will only stared at him, confused and wide-eyed and _furious_ before continuing on in his anger.

“You’re like this fucking black hole, Nico! You just, you just take and take and hurt.” Will blew up, his eyes watery and red. “You’re not who I fell in love with.”

“What are you saying?” Nico demanded, his voice so much stronger than he felt. Right now, at that moment, his soul felt like an earthquake – one of those horrible ones that devastated entire cities, so hard and unsteady Nico felt like his lungs were going to shake free, and his heart was going to be crushed under bones and muscle and tissue and –

He took a deep breath because _that_ was not happening now. He was not going to fall into himself during an argument like a weak idiot who can’t handle his own emotions and he was _not_ going to make Will pity-stay with him because of it.

Will must have seen a flash of that in him, must have noticed that he was the only sturdy foundation Nico knew. He took a deep breath, falling to the ground next to Nico, his voice softer and eyes a bit kinder. “I’m not saying anything Nico. I’m just – you need to tone back the drinking. I love you. I really, really completely do. But this is hurting _both_ of us. And – and we need to _fucking_ talk so I don’t find out about your dead sister when your father is demanding to know why you haven’t visited her – “

“You don’t talk about her.” Nico cut him off, his voice a knife. “I don’t talk about her. Neither of us, okay? Just – don’t. Seriously. I’ll – I’ll work on the other stuff.” He cut his gaze back to Will, and wondered if his eyes were as red as the other boy’s. “But no. We don’t talk about her.”

Will gave him a concerned look. “Nico, it’s – it’s good to talk about this kind of stuff. It’s not _healthy_ to keep that all in.”

Nico let out a bitter laugh, pretending not to notice the rough wince Will made in response. “Healthy?” He asked, laughing. “Oh, gods Will, I haven’t been healthy in years.”

Nico was laughing as he took another swing, drowning all he could in the movement, still laughing as he threw the near drained silver metal on the street. “Alright. Let’s go then.”

Will watched him for a moment, his eyes so unreadable that it drove Nico a bit crazy. Will drove him crazy, in the best and worst ways Nico couldn’t even begin to describe.

“Let’s go.” He agreed, the silence between them growing thick. There was going to be a lot of those – tense silences – in their future. Will’s eyes lingered on the dented flask in the street, noticing briefly how it wasn’t even leaking from its toppled over place on the concrete. “I’ll drive. Let’s go home.”

**May 13th 2013, two years after, three years before**

“I’m in love with that shower.” Will moaned out, stretching his shoulders back. “I would marry the water pressure _alone.”_

“It’s your shower now too.” Nico reminded him, smiling a bit.

Will threw him a smile over his shoulder, sticking a toothbrush into his mouth a moment after. It was a nice sight, Will in only a towel, his hair still dripping onto his shoulders.

 “Cecil and Lou want to go on a trip with us this summer.” Will told him through the foam in his mouth, beginning to finish up his bedtime ritual. Shower first, then brushing his teeth, flossing after because Will was an absolute nerd, and then, dressed in boxers, he would finally emerge with damp skin from the still slightly steaming bathroom.

Nico was already laid out in their bed in shorts and a thin shirt, playing on his phone, his eyes smiling as Will reached for the small package of floss. Hey, it’s not like Nico was going to stop him from his oral hygiene – Nico was _very_ fond of that mouth.

“Oh?” He waited until Will was finished, clicking off his phone to edge himself up on his elbows. “Where to?”

Will shrugged, dropping his towel to step into his clothes. Nico admired the view, tilting his head up a bit to get a better look. Will turned, already smirking at him, and wiped at the remaining droplets on his shoulders.

He hung his towel on the door, going back to their conversation. “They said we could pick, just that they wanted to go swimming. Knowing them, we could probably satisfy them with some second-rate motel with a hot tub.”

Nico hummed in agreement, his eyes still watching the other man. Will was nice to look at, especially when his skin was still flush from the steam, and his hair beginning to curl up as it dried.

Will went out of the room for a moment – probably to fetch his phone from whatever strange place he left it (last time? It was in the medicine cabinet. Sure, he didn’t want to get it wet, but the _medicine cabinet,_ Will?) and that gave Nico a moment to consider Lou and Cecil’s offer.

A trip would be nice. Hades was beginning to start up his yearly guilt-driven I-should-get-in-touch-with-my-son spree that would probably just end with a large check being deposited in Nico’s account before calling it quits, and Hazel’s long ignored texts were piling up, as well as Reyna’s missed calls and Jason’s long voicemails about nothing. Getting away, even if for a few days, would be great.

Will, with his found phone cradled in one hand, strolled back in the room, looking relaxed and sleepy. He bounced on the bed next to Nico – like he always did – and plugged in the electronic quickly before getting comfortable.

Nico waited a quick moment, seeing if Will would bring the subject back up. After a moment of comfortable silence, Nico spoke up.

“We should go to the country with them. They’ve both lived in New York their entire lives, right? We should go out and see what’s out there. North Dakota, maybe.”

Will gave him a look, “What’s in North Dakota?”

Nico shrugged, keeping his limbs relaxed and voice casual. “I hear they’ve got really nice stars.”

Will smiled at that, his gaze going soft. No one but Will looked at him like that, and it made Nico’s chest glow every time.

Will pulled himself closer to Nico, tangling their legs together. Will’s feet – of course – were ice cold and pressed to under Nico’s calves. It had long since stopped complaining about it, mostly because Nico thought it was kind of adorable.

“That sounds great, seeing stars like that.” He sighed, his breath a happy huff against Nico’s neck. “I’m sure Lou and Cecil would love it. They’re obsessed with camping.”

Nico’s arm came up behind him, wrapping around Will’s waist. It was a familiar position, and Nico was glad.    

Sleeping didn’t always come easy to Nico, but here, his arms wrapped around Will’s warm chest, his legs intertwined with Will’s cold feet, it always came easier.

**August 27th 2015, four years after, one year before**

Nico had just made into bed when Will came home.

Will had taken the night shift – had been taking a lot of night shifts as of late – and Nico couldn’t be bothered to check the time but if Will was just making it home, it had to be around four in the morning. Which honestly, for Nico, wasn’t bad time. Last weekend he made it in around eight in the morning and passed out on the couch, so. Improvement.

Will sighed, still lingering in the doorway, and Nico could only bury himself deeper into the pillows.

“Let’s get some water in you.” Will’s wary voice told him, his arms coming up to pull Nico’s shoulder up. “C’mon, swallow some aspirin and water and I’ll leave you alone.”

“Go away.” Nico muttered, pulling his shoulder back.

“Nico.” Will voice was soft with the lack of fight, and Nico’s chest burned with it.

Will was getting tired of him, of all Nico’s shit and mess and fucked up self. Nico would see it happen, see if in the tired line of his shoulders, hear it in the disappointment clear in Will’s voice. It was inevitable, after all. Nico had told himself that first day, drilled that fact into his mind that no matter what happened in between, the outcome was set. It was inevitable.

Will sighed, the sound a bit stronger now. “Get your ass up, di Angelo.” His voice was closer now, “You are going to sit up, drink this water and swallow these pills, and go back to sleep. You are doing this because I love you and I don’t want you to be in pain when you wake up. Now _get up.”_

And that wasn’t fair, Nico thought, even as he sat up. Will could get Nico to whatever he wanted just by saying those words, and the boy knew that. He supposed he should be grateful Will chose to employ it so scarcely, or else Nico would be the most whipped bitch in the world.

Nico fell back into the pillows, and buried his body in the blankets as he felt Will brush his lips over Nico’s forehead, wishing him to feel better. He shut the blinds and the door behind him, and Nico was left alone.

Nico turned to stare up at the ceiling. Will leaving, that, _that_ was inevitable. But his skin still felt a little warm from his kiss, and the cup of water at his bedside was fresh and lukewarm, just liked he liked his hangover water. Will had tucked the blankets around Nico’s sides, and he left the bottle of aspirin at his bedside.

It was inevitable, he knew that. But Jesus, was Nico holding off those days.

* * *

But fuck did Nico love Will.

Nico loved him like he was angry, with everything he had. He loved with every atom of his body, with a fire in his belly and flames in his eyes.

Will managed to take the breath out of him with a smile and put it back with a gentle, steadying press of his fingers. Will cared so much about Nico, and his friends, and his patients at work, and the stray cat on Lakeshore Dr, and the old lady at the grocery store and _fucking everything._

Will cared so much for the world that didn’t give a shit, and Nico loved him so much for it.

Will was everything that Nico had lost.

He was hope. He was happiness. He was _alive._

Nico di Angelo never wanted to stop loving Will Solace.

**October 13th 2015, four years after, eight months before**

Will grinned at him, and it was the first genuine, happy smile that had been directed at Nico in weeks. His eyes were still tired – he was always tired nowadays – but they were lighter today.

“Happy anniversary, my love.” Will told him, leaning in to peck Nico’s lips. He placed a plate in front of Nico, Will’s hand brushing Nico’s shoulder as he went back for his own food. It was Nico’s favorite take-out, his order done to perfection.

Will had ordered it just like he liked – no onions, no carrots, add tomatoes. Nico couldn’t remember how Will took his. Did he like it with or without green peppers? And did he get shrimp or chicken?

They ordered this at least once a month. When did Nico forget?

Will began ripping the food containers open, slipping the noodles on a plate with a small smile.

Nico watched him, his eyes memorizing his golden curls, and Will’s tanned sun kissed skin, and how the freckles on his shoulders were just barely visible under the fabric of his tank top.

Will smiled at him, overjoyed in the moment, and turned to reveal their food, expertly plated on their nice dishes.

It was October 13th.

It was their anniversary.

“We should break up.” And these words, barely traced around his mouth, slipped out without any warning, without an emotion.

Will turned, surprise and confusion and hurt already filling his eyes and Nico wanted to turn away, wanted to hide, but he didn’t. He couldn’t.

He owed that to Will, at least.

 “What?” Will’s word was hardly that, mostly broken sound and air. The plate in his hand shook, and it fell onto the counter with a _clash._  

Nico swallowed, still staring at him, and his voice was clear as he spoke. He stood, straightened his back, and tried to show a bit of the strength he absolutely wasn’t feeling in that moment.  

His eyes were straight, his arms were crossed, and his voice was clear as he spoke. “I'm breaking up with you, Will.”

* * *

“Don’t make me drink alone.” Nico told him, when they were happy.

They hadn’t moved in yet together. Nico still watched Will like he was the sun, too bright, blinding – and Will still did that thing where he traced the outlines of Nico’s bones and whispered the names under his breath, when there was nothing more exotic then hearing Will whisper _ilium_ as he got lower and lower on Nico’s body. When Nico still spoke to his friends and, rarely, his family, still got up in the morning before noon.

When Nico’s drinking was still a fond bad habit they laughed over.

Will rolled his eyes fondly, straddling the other boy. “I have an early shift tomorrow.” Will lowered himself so they were chest to chest, “Looks like you’re gonna have to make due.”

“C’mon.” And Nico did that thing he knew Will loved, tilting his neck so his hair was just barely brushing his shoulders, and the strong cut of his jaw was exposed. “Just one drink.” Nico raised an eyebrow, “Maybe you’ll get me tipsy enough that you’ll get lucky tonght.”

Will’s eyes were low on Nico’s body, his fingers already curling around the jut of Nico’s hipbones.

“Fine.” Will sighed, grinning. “ _One_ drink.”

“It’s not my fault you always fall for that line.” Nico grinned, getting up to pour a weak drink he wouldn’t have been caught with a year later.

He didn’t know why he was remembering that, at this moment, as Will’s cheeks filled with color and his eyes filled with surprise and shock and tears. But he was, and Nico’s chest nearly broke in half with the accompanying emotion that flooded along with the memory.

**February 17th 2013, two years after, three years before**

Nico’s door was unlocking, and even through the thick wood Nico could hear Will’s awful off-key singing.

Will was singer – Nico had learned this in their months together. Not the talented sort, not at all, but he was a singer in the way where no 90s pop hit was safe around the other boy, and neither was anyone’s ear drums. It was good Will was pretty at least (and it was good that Nico was content to pretend that was the only reason he was sticking around).

Nico had shoved the recently made extra key towards the other boy late at night during one of Will’s particularly intense study secessions, hoping that the boy’s various open textbooks would distract him from the big step.

It hadn’t, and Will had been laughing and jumping with excitement for nearly an hour, his med books abandoned and forgotten for…other activities.

Will swung the door open, catching it before it could hit the wall like it was bound to do. Nico didn’t care – there were already dents in the wall from when Nico had had terrible nights with not enough cares in the world. Anymore wouldn’t do anything.

Will smiled in greeting, adjusting the few bags in his arms. “Hey babe. Whatcha doin’?”

Nico glanced up from his phone, tossing it to the side without reply. “Texting. It’s just Jason going on about some event. It’s stupid – what’s up?”

Will hummed, setting down the paper grocery bags. Nico’s apartment, as usual, was lacking in any sort of nutritional value, and Will always insisted on cooking for his nights over.

“Help me put these away?” He asked, already unloading the bags. “I’m making that pasta recipe I got from Cecil, can you grab the noodles out of the pantry?”

Nico did as told, slipping his phone into his pocket, dropping the pasta box on the counter and helping Will load up his fridge. It was weirdly domestic, but Nico couldn’t really find it in himself to mind.

Will laughed suddenly, a bit under his breath, as he pulled out one of the last items, bumping Nico’s hip with his own as he did so.

“I got you some of that gourmet popcorn you love.” Will grinned, holding out the small puffed bag. “You ate the entire bag last time, figured we should stock up.”

Nico stared at him, blinking a bit. He was surprised, staring at the stupid bag of popcorn he never really admitted he loved with wide eyes, and his heart jumped at how happy Will was looking in that moment.

Nico swallowed, briefly overwhelmed with the wall of emotion that he was hit with at that moment. Will noticed he liked something, and went out of his way to get it for him. It was thoughtful and sweet and so completely Will-like that Nico was breathless.

It was stupid, getting this emotional over a fucking snack food. And Will was beginning to give him a questioning look at his silence but _fuck._ Nico hadn’t felt like this – hadn’t had someone to feel like this _for_ – in years.

Nico didn’t tell people he loved them. That – that was a _rule._

Will had always broken all his rules.

“I love you.” Nico breathed out, barely getting the word out. He…he hadn’t said that in years, had he?

He blinked a few times, surprised by the wetness in his eyes, surprised by how much he meant it.

Will paused, staring at Nico for a long moment before his face exploded with joy. He grinned, bright red cheeks, crooked white teeth. “I love you too, Nico.” He beamed, laughing lightly, and ran a hand through his hair, the popcorn still clenched in the other. “Fuck, I should have picked some popcorn up sooner.”

Nico laughed at that, and let Will pull him close for a long kiss.

“Say it again.” Will whispered against his lips, pulling away for a moment, his eyes dancing.

“I love you.” Nico repeated, meaning it no less. He continued to repeat it into Will’s skin, over and over again as he kissed down the other boy’s torso, pulling up Will’s shirt as he did so. Will dropped the popcorn on the counter, his hands coming up to Nico’s shoulders as Nico bent down.

Will’s eyes fluttered shut, an echo on his lips as Nico took him into his mouth, right there in the kitchen, frozen vegetables melting around them, ice creams bars beginning to thaw.

Nico di Angelo loved Will Solace.

And he was never going to stop.

**October 15th 2015, four years after, eight months before**

The apartment was a lot emptier then Nico would have thought.

He lived here alone for years before Will forced his way into Nico’s life. Nico liked his apartment, always had. Nico wondered if, before Will, it was always this empty. It couldn’t have been.

Will, balancing his last box on his hip, kept his gaze low. Lou and Cecil had been in and out all day, carefully avoiding looking in any direction towards Nico, and they spoke softly to Will as they took down boxes. Lou’s ugly as hell truck was in the street, both of them waiting in front of it to take Will back to Lou’s apartment.

At least Nico would never have to see that damn truck again.

The damned thing was much too-loud, always vaguely smelling like pot and fast food, and when they went on a trip in it two summers ago, Nico and Will had been squished in the backseat the entire ride. It was an awful piece of junk, shaking violently whenever Lou dared to go above 50 which, yeah, was _constantly._

Nico shook the thought of out his head, suddenly grateful he had already began drinking for the day. He…he didn’t think he would be able to think about that without feeling numb.

Will was holding the last box to his chest, his eyes flickering around the empty space. Those were his knick-knacks – Nico knew. A little flower that danced in the sun, an album of photos, a few random odds and ends, a little snow globe they got when they visited Will’s family in Georgia. He took a deep breath, dipping his head, and headed towards the door.

Nico’s throat tightened and – and this was it. This was the part where Nico could yell for him to stay, break down and apologize and beg like the weak part of him wanted, _needed_ him too. Nico’s hands shook, and he stuffed them in his pockets. He wrapped his fingers around the cool, steadying bottle in his pocket, and breathed a little easier.

He…he just needed to keep it together for an ounce of time longer. That’s it.

 He paused right outside the doorway and _shit_ Nico really couldn’t deal with this right now. With Will, and his flattened blonde curls, reddened eyes that stared without anger at Nico, his too-low voice that almost didn’t crack when he spoke.

Will sighed, a small bitter smile on his face. Nico hated how fake that smile looked, the instinct to put the real thing there almost overwhelming until he remembered he didn’t have that right anymore.

“What?” Nico’s voice was too-rough, too-snappish. It was high in a poor attempt not to crack, and Nico just fucking _knew_ how Will would see right through that.

Will finally glanced up at him, his eyes not watery and uneasy like they had been the past few days. “I really tried. Nico.”

Nico glanced away, fixing his gaze on a random chair. It was Will’s chair, the one he usually picked. Nico owned it, yeah, but it was Will’s favorite and now Nico would never be able to fucking look at that damn chair because it was _Will’s_ and he might as well just throw  it out now.

“I tried to help you. I thought I could. Thought I could…save you.” Will’s voice wasn’t as strong as it was when he began. “You…have to try too.” There was a moment of silence where, without looking, Nico knew Will was rubbing his palms in his eyes. “Take care of yourself, Nico. Please.”

And he was gone. The click of the door, the lock sliding into the wood as he locked the door behind himself because above all, Will had always just wanted Nico to be safe.

There was a long moment of silence, so long that through the open window, he could just barely hear Lou and Cecil yell out to Will, and the loud rattle of that damn truck as Lou started it up and they drove away.

They….they were probably going to take Will for frozen yogurt. He loved that when he was sad.

Nico stood there, frozen. The grip on his bottle, tightening. The hold on himself, loosening.

It was then, as the sound of Lou’s damn truck faded away, leaving nothing, the loosely held up damn broke.

Nico sobbed once, falling to the ground so damn _mad_ at the _fucking_ tears already falling down his cheeks.

It was inevitable. He – he had to. Will deserved so much better than him, and Nico wasn’t going to take anyone down with him when he crashed and burned. It – it was inevitable.

He knew Will leaving was inevitable. But this break – this absolute break of Nico so incredibly similar to the last time Nico lost someone – he. He hadn’t considered that.

And what was Nico thinking, thinking he wouldn’t miss Will. Thinking he wouldn't miss the way Will would wrap his arms around Nico's waist, and the fresh smell of his damp hair after a shower. It was hard to think that he wouldn't miss everything about Will. He would miss the taste of Will’s fucking dick, and the feeling of Will’s hands twisting through his hair. The soft, golden trail that caressed down his navel and the way he groaned out Nico’s name in half broken syllables during sex. How he’d half-grin at him when Nico’d repeat some stupid fact or answer a fucking jeopardy question like Nico was the smartest person he’d ever met. It had only been a week since all that stopped but gods, how did he last that long?

Nico finally drew the bottle out of his pocket and wondered if he would ever put it down.

**December 1th 2012, one year after, four years before**

“You’re fidgeting.” Will observed, a small grin on his face. “What, are you nervous?”

Nico cut a glare towards him, more playful glance then actual glare. He seemed to be doing that a lot more recently, since the other boy had come into his life. “I’m not _nervous.”_

“You’re leg is bouncing and you haven’t met my eyes for more than five seconds since we sat down.” Will was smiling softly, charmed despite himself, and took a sip of his ice water. “Typically, that signals nervousness.”

Nico rolled his eyes, forcing his leg to still. “What, did you read that in one of your nerd books?”

“They’re medical textbooks and they’re worth more than your car.” 

They shared a small, warm laugh at that and – and it was nice.

Will glanced around the restaurant, probably the fanciest place he’d ever stepped foot in. “So, any reason for pulling out all the stops?” Will grinned, a bit wicked. “I mean, usually you arrive half-shirtless with take out, but hey. This is nice too.”

A blush of color dusted Nico’s cheeks, something that Will always _loved_ to see. “Yeah. So. We’ve been, uh, meeting up these past few weeks –“

“You make us sound like a pair of _colleagues_.” Will ran his foot up Nico’s leg, almost bashful with the darkening of Nico’s cheeks that came with the action. “We’re not _meeting up.”_ Will leaned in, loving the way Nico’s eyes went wide and a bit dark. “We’ve been _fucking.”_

Nico stared at him for a long moment, swallowing in surprise, and finally cleared his throat. “Yeah. Um. We have.”

Will leaned back in his chair, a satisfied grin on his face. “It’s been nice.” He told him, a cocky note in his voice.

What? It’s not often Will could make Nico di Angelo blush into speechless color, and he was allowed to enjoy it when it happened.

“What I want to ask is, um.” The bag that leaned against his leg only reminded him why he was there in the first place. “Well, I’ve been having a lot of fun with you, and I haven’t really done… _this_ whole thing in awhile, but, um.”

Nico swallowed, attempting a deep breath to calm himself. Finally, he spoke, and his voice was more strong then unsure.

“Do you, um. Do you want to date?”

A smile bloomed on Will’s already joyful face. His voice was soft and amused, always a nice combination on the other boy, Nico thought. “Nico di Angelo. Are you asking me if I want to be boyfriends?”

Nico shifted, looking just a bit uncomfortable. “Um. Yes? I guess?” He pulled out a bag from gods-know-where and shoved it over to Will’s open arms. “I got you that disgusting orange chocolate you like. And, um, your brand of coffee.”

Will was near exploding with happiness as he took the small bag into his arms. He had to resist hugging it to his chest, needing to keep up his incredibly believable smooth and suave façade. “ _And_ you’re bribing me? Gifts and a meal? How gentlemanlike.”

Nico rolled his eyes in frustration, or probably impatience. “Well? You can say no, I just, you know, want to know. We can keep fucking or whatever, I just thought you’d-“

“Nico.” Will interrupted, reaching out trace the other boy’s jaw with his thumb. “ _Of course_ I want to date you. I’m just teasing you.”

Nico got as close as he ever got to full on smiling. “Really? I mean, um, great.” Nico near beamed at Will, who was still smiling softly. “That’s great.”

They stared at each other for another long moment, a bubble of happiness just growing around them. Nico suddenly jerked forward, as if remembering something important.

“This is cause for celebration.” Nico grinned, waving the waitress back to their table. “Give us your most expensive wine. And lots of it.”

Will widened his eyes at that, “Most expensive? Nico that’s –“ His eyes glanced around the room, almost nervous now. “Nico, that’s a lot.”  
Nico waved his hand, dismissing it almost immediately, a wide grin still in place. “Don’t worry about it. I’ve got the bill.”

“Oh.” Will blinked a few times, “Okay.”

Nico didn’t seem to notice Will moment of confusion. “We’re dating.” Nico told him happily, like Will hadn’t just consented to the fact a single minute ago.

The rest of the confusion faded away as Will leaned forward, amused and happy and soon-to-be slightly buzzed.  “Yeah.” Will told him fondly. “We are.”

**October 20th 2015, four years after, eight months before**

Nico….didn’t know he could be this drunk. He didn’t know his body could hold so much alcohol. Only…it couldn’t, he realized as he vomited all over the sidewalk. He couldn’t do much of anything, it seemed.

**November 4th 2015, four years after, seven months before**

Fuck Will.

Fuck his fucking face and how he always fucking spoke to Nico like Nico fucking mattered and like he fucking cared. This was all his fucking fault. If – if Will wouldn’t have fucking pretended that he loved Nico and pretended like Nico was good and mattered and not nearly as fucked up as they both knew he was Nico wouldn’t be nearly as fucking broken as he was right now. Nico let himself pretend for four fucking years like this wasn’t going to end exactly like it had and it was all Will’s fucking fault. It was his fucking fault for making Nico fucking care and for making Nico fall in fucking love with him and his golden fucking hair and tan fucking skin and his fucking freckles and fucking -

Fuck Will.

**November 25th 2015, four years after, seven months before**

He drank and he drank and he drank and he drank. He forgot why…why he was drinking. Only the ever present reminder that he needed too. So he did. He drank.

**December 2015, four years after, six months before**

He hardly made it back to his apartment nowadays. He lost his phone early on, probably left somewhere at some bar. He just drank. Then he’d puke or piss or scream or cry and just drink more.

He got in fights and passed out in ditches and wasn’t sure if he was grateful when he woke up, covered in snow and freezing. He got kicked out of every bar on the block and went to the next street over.

He wondered, in the rare moment of sobriety between the first piss and drink of the morning, if anyone noticed he was gone.

He had been wearing the same clothes for two weeks now. He hadn’t showered, and he was growing a beard. But he tipped his father’s money well, and mostly kept quiet. So they kept letting him in, and he kept drinking.

Someone told him it was Christmas. He told them to fuck off.

He drank and he drank.

**April 2nd 2010, before everything**

“Stop making that face or you’ll freeze it like that.”

Nico only made another face at that. “Mom used to say that.”

She nodded, not looking up from her book. “Mom said a lot of smart things. You should listen to them sometimes.”

Nico sighed, draping himself over the couch, his character dying a horrible death from inattention. “You’ve been studying for _hours.”_ He whined, pressing pause on his DS. “It’s _Saturday.”_

She was biting down on a green highlighter, her hair pulled out of her face as she ignored him. “I’ve got to ace this test, Nico.” She finally looked up to him, giving him an amused look. “You’ll understand when _you_ go to college.”

Nico wrinkled his nose at that, going back to his game. He had time, despite the older girl constantly forcing applications down his throat.

“I’m thinking of going on a roadtrip late this summer with Percy, Thalia, and them.” She told him, still focusing on scrawling down in her notebook.

Nico hummed, not really paying attention. He took a half-second to think over her words before jumping up. “Wait – can I come? Where? That sounds so cool! I wanna go on a roadtrip!”

She smirked, reaching over to ruffle his hair. “Next time, I promise.” She grinned, “It can be your reward for getting into college.”

Nico groaned _._ “You’re horrible.” He told her seriously.

She gave him a sunny grin, one he would replay over and over and over years to come. “You love me.” She told him, pinching his cheek.

He grinned, a bit wicked, and dove, pulling the cushion from under her and throwing her toppling to the ground. “I hate you!” She screeched out, so incredibly annoyed from under the mountain of books that fell over her.

“Love you too!” Nico laughed out, already dashing from the scene.

**January 1st 2016, four years after, six months before**

Everyone was screaming. There was confetti in his drink and his hair, and everyone was screaming and kissing and laughing around him. He was sick of it.

He grabbed onto his too-full bottle and dipped out the door, already shivering under his thin, distressed jacket. He didn’t make it far, turning into some alley just to throw up in the snow.

He stumbled, falling back onto the wall and wiping his disgusting mouth. He held onto the neck of his beer bottle and looked up with half-lidded eyes.

It was New Years.

Nico stared up at the stars, not nearly as drunk as he hoped to be before the New Year rang in. He couldn’t see the stars. Just a black blanket that draped over the entire sky, suffocating the city.

He stood, staring up that blank sky. He felt so _angry._ Why the fuck weren’t the stars out? It – it was night. Stars were supposed to be out at night. That was the whole _fucking_ point.

He remembered so incredibly vaguely, someone – Will? – telling him about the light pollution that hid all the stars. He couldn’t see them because the stars didn’t show up in New York City.

The stars were fucking gone and there was nothing he could do about it.

She loved the stars. Used to read books about constellations and stick those dumb glow in the dark stickers on her wall. She once told him she had counted the stars once, but she wouldn’t tell him how many there were until he was older.

She was a fucking liar.

He stared up at the empty sky and the black nothingness that seemed to go on forever. She was the stars, and he was the nothing. Without the stars, the sky is empty and dark and cold and _nothing._ She’s gone and he’s left to force on every day knowing the stars would never return to New York City.

He stared where the stars should have been and screamed.

**January 4th 2016, four years after, six months before**

Nico hardly made it through the door before he was stumbling on the hardwood. His key worked and that – _that_ was a surprise.

Hades was at a doorway in a second, mostly in surprise when the door had slammed against the wall unexpectedly. He paused in shock and surprise, staring as Nico panted into the wallpaper. He looked, he looked _horrible_ – untrimmed facial hair, dirty, torn clothes, splotched cheeks and tangled, knotted hair that hung in clumps over his face.

Nico didn’t look to his father yet, only attempting to stand without the assistance of the wall.

“Nico?” His voice was questioning, his eyes confused, but guarded. They had fought the last time they had seen each other, almost a year ago. He cleared his throat and said the next bit as a statement. “Nico, we haven’t heard from you in months. You didn’t come to any holidays and Hazel heard about Will." The older man looked on, attempting to hide away his concerned gaze with a layer of easily accessible anger. "Are you going to explain yourself?" 

Nico stumbled again, catching onto the barstool at last minute. The door was still open behind him, letting the icy breeze drift in behind him.

“Are you drunk?” Hades demanded, striding forward to catch onto his arm. His grip was tight, but held him up carefully.

“I _fucking_ wish.” Nico’s voice was rough, his face hidden under his matted, dirty hair. His chest was hitching with every breath now, and he fell into his father’s body without another thought.

“Nico? Son, what’s wrong?” Hades was now confused, his hands hesitant and hovering over Nico’s skin. They hadn’t seen each other in almost a year, touched in closer to three.

Nico was quiet, shoving his face into his father’s familiar scent. The expensive cologne he’d been wearing since they were kids, since they were – they were –

_They -_

“I miss her so much.” He cried, clenching onto his father’s suit labels. “I miss – I miss her so much every single day.” He held onto his father’s jacket, his chest shaking, his shoulders shaking with sobs. He cried for years worth of sadness, years worth of turning to tell her something and realizing over and over again, years worth of his eyes catching on something and thinking _she would love that, I should get it_ and remembering _,_ years worth of his chest hitching at the sight of dark haired ponytails and green hats, years worth of drinking on calendar dates she stained for him for life.

He cried because he was selfish and he was _so damn_ upset she wouldn’t be at his side if he ever bothered to get married, wouldn’t be able to become a mom or grandma or cool aunt and she would have been the _best_ at all of those, wouldn’t be able to roll her eyes with him at holidays and tease Hades for his graying hair, wouldn’t be able to fall in love, wouldn’t be able graduate college, wouldn’t be able to tell him how many stars there were, wouldn’t -  

He cried because she wouldn’t be able to _live._

He cried because his sister was dead.

“I miss her so much.” He sobbed, “I miss – I miss her jokes and her crappy taste in music and – and – and-”

Nico leaned away, his face flushed and eyes swollen and red. Hades looked down at him, his own face a similar picture. “Her. I miss her.”

“I miss her too. Every second of my life, I miss her.” Hades’ voice was rough, like sadness pressed into a sound. “And you, my son, I’ve missed you so much. My children –“ Hades paused, swallowing. “I’ve missed you.”

“I’ve missed you too.” Nico finally admitted the childish feeling he’d had for what felt like forever. He – he missed his dad. He missed his sister and his mother and that was horrible because Hades was right there but Nico missed him.

Hades pulled him in again, pressing a kiss to his forehead despite how absolutely disgusting he was.

“I’m going to stop drinking.” He told Hades what felt like hours later, needing to say it aloud. He had showered, dressed in old clothes from high school that he had expected to be baggy.“And smoking I’m – I’m going to stop.”

Hades’ hand on his shoulder was heavy, his eyes even more so. They were still leaning against each other, now curled together on the couch, untouched tea on the table. “I will get some references for the best programs in the state.”

He was still in his father’s arms, hiccuping on the hitch in his breath and clenching at Hades’s arm. Nico stared up at him, his eyes wide and open and watery. “Thanks, Dad.”

* * *

It was hard.

It was so fucking hard.

The hardest thing Nico had ever done was get ready for his sister’s funeral and this – this was a close fucking second.

Every molecule and atom in his body ached and screamed. The earthquake in his chest was now a tsunami of pain, a tornado of nausea, a wildfire of fever and anxiety. His shaking body was a natural disaster inflicted only upon him by himself.

Hades was there, taking him to the hospital on his worst nights. Brushing his hair out of his face as he puked and cried, and held him through his worst bouts of begging and anger.

Persephone, with bland food and lukewarm water and hot plain tea. Her worried eyes were a constant presence on his body, always the first in his room when he called out in the middle of the night, a wet cloth and water bottle always in her outstretched hands.

And Hazel -

Hazel, holding onto his shoulders as he sobbed into her lap, was stone-faced in his emotion. He needed that, in those moments, her steady calming demeanor guiding him through his worst fits as he pleaded, _begged_ her for just a single drink, just a single _sip_ , just to help him to sleep _please Hazel please,_ and he did that for days, for weeks, in and out of rehab and doctor’s visits and therapist sessions. She took him to AA and came in with him when he wanted and waited in the car when he yelled at her to stay. She held him and rubbed her fingers into his back – never through his hair like his sister used to – and made him take his pills in the morning and at night.

He thought of Will a lot in those first few months, of how Will used to tuck him into bed after a bad night, and always made sure Nico was safe. He thought of Will a lot, until he started thinking about himself and Hazel and Hades and Persephone and his old _friends –_ and wow, Nico had almost forgotten he had _friends,_ people that showed up by the carful once Hazel gave them the careful green light to visit. Friends – Jason, Piper, _Reyna –_ and others who were so careful not to talk about bars and drinking but were so happy to tell him about all the fun stuff they were planning this summer and hey, do you think you’d be interested in coming along, I know how much you like traveling?

He’d nod, sitting on his shaking hands, and wasn’t sure how to take it when they told him he looked better because he looked like _hell_ and that was absolute.

Reyna had frowned at him before she left, messing with his baggy shirt. “You look very badly. You are not physically looking better.” She told him, avoiding his eyes. “But your eyes are not as heavy. And you try to smile. That is what we mean.” She shook her head, like shaking off the topic. “Your physical form will improve as you do. Do not worry about that.” She turned her head to where the others were waiting outside, gathered around the car talking. About him, he supposed, but he didn’t find it himself to mind.

She gave him a rare smile, her hand coming up to circle his cheek. He hadn’t spoken to her in awhile, Maybe…maybe a year. She used to be his best friend, and it hit him suddenly how desperately lonely he’s been. He wondered very vaguely if she’d felt the same.

“When you are better we will instantly be visiting the gym.” She told him, patting his cheek one last time. She gave him a slow peck on his cheek, more emotion and fear in her simple movement than most poets could ever hope to write.

“Stay safe.” She told him before leaving, not looking back to him. He leaned up against the doorway, and was so incredibly glad for Hazel’s instant presence at his back.

“Do you want to go for a walk?” She asked, “Or maybe play some video games?”

Nico let go of the breath he had been holding. “Um. Video games. Video games sound fine. Um, that new Lego one?”

“Already set up.” She grabbed onto his hand, carefully leading him away. “Maybe we can talk Persephone into making some chocolate popcorn. She _totally_ will if you ask.”

Nico nodded along, following his sister into the other room.

The disaster in him was starting to calm, finally, after years of being a raging force of nature. But he was so grateful for them – for Dad and Persephone and Hazel and his _friends -_ that it felt like he had soft clouds bubbling in his chest, filling him.

He didn’t feel empty.

**April 22nd 2016, five years after, two months before**

He never thought a doorway could be so intimidating.

He observed it for another moment. It was a tall, thick thing, painted sea-green to match the trim that wrapped around the house. Annabeth had probably designed it, he realized, which honestly explained a lot about the intimidation factor.

He shook his head, nearly turning around to where Hazel was waiting in the car and explaining that he just couldn’t do it. Not today, at least.

Nico clenched at the chip in his pocket, the ache for a drink making him damn near dizzy. He popped a stick of gum in, needing to at least distract his aching taste buds, took a breath, and knocked on the door. He clenched at the coins in his pocket, the scarlet chip being the newest addition in his small collection, and waited.

“Nico?” Percy asked in confusion as the door swung open. “What are you doing here?”

Nico dipped his head, his eyes focused directly on the welcome mat. “Can I, um, can I come in?”

Percy was nodding before he finished the question, clearing the doorway to let him through.

“Do you want anything? I can make some sandwiches or something if you’re hungry?”

Nico shook his head, his eyes darting around the Jackson-Chase home. “Where’s Annabeth and the kid?” He asked, his eyes catching on a picture frame.

Percy seemed to light up at the reminder of his family. “The library. Annabeth takes them before swim practice.”

Nico nodded slowly at that, not really processing anything. He lowered himself slowly onto the couch, and Percy took the one across from him, biting his lip. Nico, silent and assembling his words, stared at the ground, and Percy took that as a gesture to speak first.

“I heard you were doing better. Jason mentioned you got back into contact. And you’re thinking about going back to school? That’s – that’s great Nico.” Percy’s voice was honest and his eyes earnest. “I’m really, really glad you’re doing better.”

Nico nodded at that, not wanting to agree or disagree. It was all true – Nico was doing better, and it seemed like every day Hazel or Hades or Persephone was adding to the small pile of college program brochures on his bedside, but the urge to fight back, to argue with the other boy, was still there, however dull and muted it might be. Nico stared at him, biting his lip, and tried to clear his mind before diving in.

“I have to say something.” Nico rushed out, promptly forgetting the entire speech he had formed. “Um, I – It’s about everything that happened.”

Percy’s glanced away, “Nico, you don’t have to talk about it. I get it, it’s okay.”

“I just, um.” Nico dipped his head, blinking away the wetness in his eyes. “I, um.”

Percy’s eyes were heavy with concern. “Nico, it’s okay. I – I know.”

Nico shook his head, “I – I need to do this.” He gave Percy a weak smile, finally looking up to the other boy. “Fifth step. I’ve – I’ve got to do this.”

Percy nodded, waiting with patient eyes.

Nico took a deep breath, going over what he wanted to say. “I’m sorry.” He finally said, “I’m sorry for blowing up at you at her funeral and for everything after. I’m sorry for cutting you off. I’m sorry I blamed it on you and told you it was your fault. I’m sorry for blaming her death on you. It – it was an accident. I get that know. There was no way it could have been your fault.” Nico glanced away, a tear escaping his watery eyes. His voice was rougher than he would have liked, and a small voice kept telling him, kept repeating _you’re weak, you’re weak, **you’re weak** _ until that was all he could hear – all he could –

Strangely, he thought of Will in that moment.

As he sat there in the Jackson-Chase living room, crying, his mind forced the brief memory of Will’s hand on his back, tracing circles as he talked Nico through his own mind.

And just like that, Nico was back. He was back, staring at Percy’s matching watery eyes, both of them pretending they weren’t crying silently as they stared at each other.

“I was driving.” Percy breathed out, the blurted confession nearly breaking him. “Nico, no one ever told you but – but I was driving.”

Nico took a deep breath, turning his face to wipe off his cheeks. He turned back to the other boy once he was done, and nodded.

“It was an accident.” Nico repeated softly, watching Percy shake his head.

“ _Nico-“_

“It was an _accident.”_ Nico told him fiercely, stronger then he had felt in the past few months, hell, the past few _years._ “Percy. I’m so sorry I put this on you. But it was an _accident.”_

Percy cried at that. So did Nico.

After a long few moments, Percy finally looked up to Nico’s waiting gaze. His eyes were red and swollen but clear.

“It was an accident.” He agreed softly, sounding better then Nico had ever heard. “I-” Percy glanced away for a second, his eyes conflicted. “Wait here.”

Nico obliged, taking the few moments to breathe and count his way through the aching waves of want. He didn’t think he’d ever want a drink more than at that moment.

“Here.” Percy was sticking out a tissue paper covered bundle, not meeting Nico’s questioning eyes. “It’s not a gift or anything, just – take it. I’ve had it awhile.”

Nico took it, his hands careful with the delicate paper. He smoothed the paper slowly, curling it back into a small square until the not-gift was revealed.

It was a tie. Horribly expensive and silky, colored with dark blue and silver. He…he had forgotten about it. He’d forgotten how much he’d loved color, when he was young. He took a breath, tracing a finger around one of the silver stars decorated on the fabric.

Nico swallowed around the lump in his throat. “I –“

“You don’t have to say anything.” Percy told him, relieving him from the ache in his throat as he tried to speak. Nico nodded quickly at that, just staring down at the fabric.

Nico headed to the door a few minutes after that, still clenching at the tie.

“Thank you, Nico.” Percy’s voice was soft as he leaned on the doorway, looking as though he’d just let go of the weight of the earth. “I’m – I’m _so_ glad you’re doing better.”

“Thanks Perce.” Nico only answered, knowing how red and swollen his eyes probably were. “Keep in touch, will ya? Tell Annabeth and the kid I said hi.”

Percy near beamed at that. “I – I will. You should visit when they’re home next time.”

Nico paused, his back straight and his hands tucked away in his pockets with the piece of fabric. “I might just do that.” Nico told him truthfully, his voice still holding a slight rasp. He saluted to Percy as he turned, walking down the driveway.

Hazel was waiting in the car, as patient and steadying as ever. “Are you okay?” She only asked as Nico threw himself in the front seat, waiting for her to start the car.

“Yeah.” Nico answered, his voice soft. Softness was not weakness, he reminded himself. He took another breath, needing to feel the full expansion of his lungs, the clear pressure filling up his chest, before he spoke. “Can we make one more stop?”

“Of course. Where to?”

* * *

“Hey.”

Nico swallowed, his eyes anywhere but where they were supposed to be. “This is weird, isn’t it? Like, I know this is something you’d see on like a crappy tv show, but like, it doesn’t really happen. Ms. Amah – she’s my therapist, I think you’d like her, she’s tough and funny like you were - she said this might help. In my, um, my recovery. I’ve been seeing her three times a week and it’s, it’s really helping I think. It’s been almost four months but, um, I think it’s working.

“I’m not sure what I think about the afterlife, but I know if there’s such a thing as a good place – like a heaven, or whatever - you’re in it.” Nico took a deep breath, “You probably know all this but I just, I need to say it to you.

“I’m really sorry I haven’t visited. I –I just went and saw Percy.” Nico’s eyes rolled up to the blue, clear sky. He could just barely see the half moon through the sunlight. “You’re probably pissed it took me so long. I’m – I’m really sorry about that.

“I’m living with Dad again. It’s not as bad as I thought it would be. He always makes me have dinner with him and Persephone and it’s – it’s not bad.” Nico made a face at that, “Dad’s cooking is still as bad, yeah, but I’ve taken over cooking for us and we’ll eat in the parlor instead of that big ridiculous dining room Dad insists on and it’s – it’s nice. It’s really nice. You would enjoy it.

“Hazel and I are better now. I need you to know um, I need you to know that I would never, I’m not _, she’s_ not a replacement for you. I love Hazel, and I will always love Hazel, but she isn’t your replacement. I can love both of you, you’re both my sisters. I –

Nico took a breath, steadying himself. “I can love her. And nothing bad will happen. I – I think I know that now. I’m trying really hard to know that.

“I had someone really special. Will, you might know. He was…” Nico fixed his gaze on the low hanging tree a couple yards away. “Everything. And I blew it and pushed him away and screwed it up –“ He cut himself off, “Anyways. I’m getting help. Because it wasn’t fair to Will and it wasn’t fair to – “ Nico swallowed, tasting bile at the back of his throat.

“I deserve not to be fucked up.” Nico stated this, and almost started crying. He said the words like his therapist told him, with his own twist. “I deserve to be happy and healthy because I would wish the same on anyone I loved and _Jesus_ I would wish the same thing for you. I am a person who deserves to be not fucked up.”

His breath was shaky, and the hot tears sliding down his cheeks weren’t helping. When he spoke, his words were quiet.

“I don’t think you would have been proud of who I was. I wasn’t. But I’m trying to be someone who you….who you could maybe be proud of. Until the day I die I swear I’m going to try and make you proud.”

“I love you.” His eyes dipped low, finally catching on the gravestone. It had her name on it, in big swirly cursive, and a pair of constellations were carved into the stone, filled with small jewels that sparkled back at him. “I’ll love you forever. You’ve been gone for five years and I’ll never stop missing you. You’ll never stop being my big sister. If – if people ask if I have any older siblings I’ll always say yes because I do, and you were the best. You were the _best.”_

Nico rubbed at his cheeks. Spring was starting to come in, the snow long gone, and a few green flowers had sprouted up around the stone. It was fitting, he thought, new life growing there. She had always loved green. “I’m sorry you never got to be twenty-one.”

Nico took a deep breath before speaking, and his chest was lighter then  it had felt in awhile. “Goodbye Bianca. I’ll never stop being your kid brother.”

**May 4th 2016, five years after, one month before**

Nico sang along to the ancient song under his breath, half-focusing on simultaneously mixing and flipping pancake batter. Hazel, the brat, had demanded a personal batch of chocolate chip ones, something that Hades also immediately volunteered to try. He rolled his eyes at their antics, throwing together a separate blueberry batch for Persephone, the fruit crazy lady she was.

Nico spun around at the sound of a low sob, just above the music level, and stared at his sister in absolute confusion.

“Hazel, are you okay?” He asked, throwing the spatula to the side, his eyes already dipping with concern.

“You’re singing.” Hazel told him, grinning around a face full of tears. “I – I’ve never heard you sing.”

Nico’s cheeks colored, not embarrassed at all. Most of the concern faded away, a bit remaining in the face of his crying sister. “Oh. I – I didn’t realize. That I was singing. Wasn’t that bad, was it?” He gave her a teasing, hesitant smile, “Bad enough to drive you to tears?”

Hazel threw herself forward to crush her face into his chest, wrapping her arms around him as she cried freely. “You seem happier. I’ve – I’ve never seen you like this. You’re joking and happy. I – I just -”

Nico hugged her back as equally tight, an unnamable emotion glowing in his chest. “I – I know. I’m trying.”

She pulled away, her cheeks streaked with wetness as she sniffed. She gave him a weak grin, “So, um, Adele? Really?”

Nico shoved at her, no real force behind the action, and gave her a small smile. “Shut up. I hate you.”

“You love me.” She smiled, wiping at her face. She gave him a cheeky smile, “If you didn’t love me, why would you currently be burning me a stack of chocolate pancakes?”

“Oh, _fuck.”_ He cursed, Hazel’s laughter ringing out afterwards, his own echoing the high sound shortly after.

It was nice, laughing with her.

He plated the slightly burnt pancakes – they were fine, it was mostly just the chocolate bits that were burned – and, without really considering it, brushed a soft, quick kiss to her temple.

She beamed again, looking happier at the action then Nico had ever seen her.

He was a lucky son of a bitch, he was beginning to realize.

**October 13th 2012, one year after, four years before**

“You drinking alone?”

Nico glanced up, an offensive insult and sarcastic remark already on his tongue for whatever unfortunate soul that tried to pick him up, but paused, the words dying on his lips.

The stranger must have taken the moment of pause as good, as he slipped into the chair next to him. “My mom says it’s never good to drink alone.” He smiled, his young face clearly used to the gesture. Nico wondered what would happen if he smiled like that. Hell freezing over, probably. “So,” He popped the letter like a fucking cartoon character, still obliviously happy. “I’m keeping you company.”

Nico gave him a look, not exactly pushing him away. He didn’t seem like Nico’s type, no, but honestly, Nico still wasn’t sure what his type _was._

Blond hair, golden in a way Nico wasn’t sure didn’t come from a bottle. There was a small gap in his teeth and freckles splashed across his nose, “It’s nice to meet you.”  He smiled, and it was too nice for such a dingy place. This was the place of cheating ex-boyfriends, the drunken heartbroken, and unloved. This boy was too nice, and he smiled with his teeth. He didn’t belong here. Nico was from filthy back alleys, and he knew where he belonged.

Nico took a swing of his bottle, the taste of the cheap bitter beer revolting to his taste. He would have preferred something with more sugar, perhaps with a sour kick, but he didn’t want anyone to read into that. Blondie didn’t know where he belonged, and Nico wasn’t going to inform him.

“Nico.” He told him shortly, already feeling a pleasant buzz from the unpleasant drink.

Blondie smiled, “Will Solace.” And his name meant fucking sunshine, because of course it did, because this was a too-kind boy who said all his syllables and looked at Nico through his eyelashes.

His eyes were sparkling as he glanced over Nico, “Wanna dance?”

Nico rolled his eyes. “I don’t dance.”

“How else am I supposed to woe you?” _This fucking_ – Will grinned at that, probably thinking he was the wittiest motherfucker alive.

“You got a place?” Nico took another sip of his drink, glancing over at the other boy. He ran his hand over his own neck, looking at the other boy over it. “Guess you can show me there.”

Will swallowed, looking up from where his eyes were glued to the long line of Nico’s throat. His voice was rough, lower than his amused, light flirting tone from a moment before. “Let’s go.”

Nico had done plenty of one night stands before, and he would be the first to tell you they were never anything remarkable. This one, with Blondie grinning at him like the goddamn sun, would be no different.

**June 14th 2016, five years after, today**

“Nico?”

Nico turned at that – would always turn at that voice – and almost immediately, his chest began to glow with a familiar warmth. “Will.” He breathed out, half surprised to see him, half surprised it took that long. It was a wedding after all, and not a big one. Jason had given him a heads up about the guest list, and he would bet Piper did the same with Will.

“Drinking alone?” Will asked, his voice soft and edged with just a bit of hesitation. He looked almost nervous, strangely. He tipped his head forward a bit, looking up at Nico through his messy bangs. Nico…forgot about that. How even at the most formal of events, Will’s curls could never be contained for long despite the handfuls of gel he forced into it.

Nico tilted the clear cup to the side, “It’s Coke. Just Coke.” Nico titled back the small cup, drinking the rest up quickly. He thought of how Will used to bring him rum and Coke at parties, always knowing exactly what Nico wanted. He gave Will a teasing grin, and it was strange how easily those came to him nowadays. “I’m boring now.”

“You’re looking better.” Will told him honestly, his eyes still wide and uncertain.

Nico barked out a laugh, “Considering one of the last times you saw me, I had puke down my shirt, I’ll take the compliment.”

“No, I meant…” Will drawled off, clearly hesitating. He glanced away, Nico following his gaze, and wasn’t even surprised to see half the wedding party badly pretending they weren’t just gawking at the two of them. Percy, who had looked away to stare intensely at a pile of dirty plates, didn’t even bother hiding the flash on his camera phone as he turned.

Nico cracked another grin, shifting in his suit. This suit used to be pretty baggy on him, but he guessed that’s what happened when you spend a few months being force fed by your step-mom.

“They live for drama.” Nico rolled his eyes, his voice affectionate, as he turned back to Will. It wasn’t as weird as Nico would have thought, seeing him here, looking like that. It made him…happy. Happy to see Will. That was a constant in his life, of course, but it was easier then Nico would have thought.

Will cleared his throat, sparing Nico a quick flash of his gapped teeth as he smiled. “What I was saying, um, you’re looking better. Healthier, I mean.”

And here was Nico’s chance, to vomit his recovery and rehab story all over the other boy, like he’d been doing for the last few months.

He gave the other boy a small shrug, and settled for the short and sweet.

“I've been seeing someone.” Nico admitted, ignoring his initial instinct of _weakness you're weak_ and gave the other boy a nonchalant shrug.

Will’s smile, genuine, grew stiff and false. Something cracked in his eyes, like Nico was crumbling any facade he was struggling to keep, and Nico backpedaled his words.

“Like a therapist.” Nico corrected himself quickly. “I'm seeing a therapist.” He clarified. “And, uh, AA. Every Wednesday.” Nico reached into his pocket, clenching at his handful of lifelines, and forced himself to keep the bitterness out of his voice. “Six months as of last week.” Nico tried to will away the embarrassed blush that wanted to emerge as he spoke once more, “I’m also getting enrolled in this one online program, like, um, a few college classes?” He dipped his head, “Have to work towards something, you know?”

He immediately wanted to dismiss his embarrassment and emotion, call them stupid and will them away, but took a moment – Ms. Amah’s advice – and thought why he was embarrassed.

_All my friends are already done with college. I’ll be the oldest one there. It’s embarrassing that it took me this long to start my life._

He took a breath, nodding, and looked back to Will. His entire moment of consideration had only taken a few seconds, and it worked to calm down the blush filling his cheeks.

Will blinked few times at him, looking so incredibly exposed and vulnerable in the moment. “Nico that’s….that’s so great.” Will’s voice was watery, his eyes overjoyed.

“Yeah, um.” Nico’s eyes were low on the ground, and his voice was uneasy again. Nico was still in recovery, Nico reminded himself, and vaguely wondered if he always would be. “I’m…I’m really sorry. I wasn’t a great boyfriend and, um, you deserved better.” He was hesitant in his glancing back up, “I’m sorry. You were…amazing. And I’m sorry I didn’t realize it.”

Will looked away, more to hide his watering eyes. “It wasn’t all bad.” Will huffed out a laugh, “We had a lot of fun, didn’t we?”

Nico was nodding before Will was finished. “You were the best part of my life, Will.” He told him, as honest as Ms. Amah was helping him to be. It was a lot harder than he thought, being an honest man.

Will took an uneasy breath. “I. uh – same. We had such a good time Nico. I’m – I’m glad you’re getting healthy again.” He gave Nico a small, watery smile. “We had a lot of fun, in the early days.”

Nico swallowed, not sure if what he was about to ask would be good or horrible for him. He knew he should probably check with his sponsor, unsure if what this would be considered a set-back. He bit his lip and asked anyway. 

“Do you. Do you want to go for coffee, or something?”

Will was staring at him, and Nico was so surprised to remember that look, the _are you being serious are you kidding_ hopeful look he always got around good news.

But his eyes were heavy around the edges. They’d been apart seven months, and Will carried that fact every day in the tense lines of his body and his darkened guarded eyes. Will eyed Nico, and the looseness to his shoulders that Will had never seen, and how easily he was able to draw smiles from himself.

Nico’s eyes, even in their best months, had been layered upon layered of emotion and secret and hidden thoughts. Now, open and twinkling, they stared at Will with a spark of hope and fear and excitement.

“Six months, huh?” Will’s grin was so happy and watery at the same time, “I guess I’m gonna have to drink alone from now on. That’s fine. I never was much of a drinker.” Will huffed out a laugh, and glanced up at the sky. “I…sure. Coffee. I love coffee.”

Nico smiled at that, small but happy, and it was more then what Will could have ever hoped for. It was a clearer smile than Will could ever remember from the other boy, and Nico’s eyes were such a beautiful color when they weren’t red and watery.

“I remember. That fancy Italian blend you used to buy online, would smell up the apartment for hours every morning.” Nico huffed out a laugh, suddenly lost in that piece of the past.

They laughed at that memory. It was…nice. Remembering that.

They’d both changed in their time apart. Will was more hurt than Nico would see for awhile. They had to relearn each other, slowly. They had to trust each other again, slowly.  It was slow, reopening each other and trusting the other one enough to let them reach in, and trusting they wouldn’t crush or scratch the other. It was slow, so slow, but for each other, they had all the time in the world.

They’d still have problems, but they still had so much love for each other. Will’s friends would disapprove at first, and Nico’s family wasn’t sure this was for the best. But that didn’t stop them from returning the love they had fought for, the fierce, bright love that had never managed to fully quiet in either of them.

 _I deserve to not be fucked up._ Nico told himself as Will wound his arm through his, the soft hesitant touch foreign and familiar all at once. _I deserve to be happy, I deserve to be healthy. I deserve this._

And, honestly, Nico was starting to believe it.

-

[Timeline](http://rosyredlipstick.tumblr.com/post/158294571778/the-stars-and-the-nothing-timeline)

**Author's Note:**

> Numerous references to Nico's alcoholism, which leads him to both neglect himself and those around him. Poor self esteem, negative thoughts, and a rock bottom situation that eventually works out. Solangelo is endgame.  
> -  
> Thank you all so much for reading! I've recently been trying to work on my angst writing and this is the product of that.  
> Please kudus and review if you enjoyed! I worked really hard on this and it's so weird to actually have it out in the open.  
> Thanks to makerofaqueen for the amazing timeline he put together for the fic, link above.  
> Follow me on tumblr for weird 2am thoughts and random drabbles about my OCs - rosyredlipstick.tumblr.com


End file.
